The last two years have been such a roller coaster while my husband and I have tried to have a successful pregnancy and failed. I think that it has put a strain on some of my relationships because of communication errors. Talking about infertility might not be at the top of your list of “fun things to discuss” but I decided to put these tips out there for you in case you need a little help in regards to talking to an infertile friend.
5) Do not give your friend advice in the sense of, “Stop worrying about trying to conceive.” “You’re trying too hard. Just relax” “You should be having sex __ times a day/week/month.” “Just adopt!” “It will happen when the time is right.” While these comments seem positive, they are often inaccurate and unwanted. (I know I have totally used these same lines on friends before walking in their shoes and realizing, “Wow. My advice sucked back then!”) Instead of giving your friend the same advice she is probably tired of hearing, just be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on.
4) If you are pregnant, please do not complain to your infertile friend about your pregnancy. If infertile friend says you look great, say “thank you”. Do not drone on for hours, complaining about how fat you feel because infertile friend would trade places with you in a second. Complain to your baby daddy.
3) Again, if you are pregnant, do not tell infertile friend how easy you get pregnant, how you get pregnant every time your husband looks at you, or every time you hold avocados, etc. Smug pregnant chicks aren’t cute.
2) Be patient with infertile friend. If she shies away from baby celebrations and the hospital maternity wing, please don’t hold it against her.
1) Ask her how she’s doing. Show her love and respect. Ask her if she wants to talk about it. Ask her what you can do or say to help her feel better. Remind her of her strengths and talents. Remind her that she is loved and show her.
Infertility has made me feel so fragile, forgotten, unloved, undeserving. When I crawl out of that hole, I know those negative thoughts are just Satan’s lies. So I have to work harder to stay positive and surround myself with positive things. Please lift up your infertile friend and show some love! She will appreciate it.
Disclaimer- I know I have been guilty of each of these in the past. Now that I have experienced infertility, I can see the error of my ways and just wanted to share these tips so we can strengthen relationships and support one another. A special thanks to all the ladies who helped me come up with these tips!